心。日记

忙忙碌碌
早起迟睡
到了夜深人静的时候
独自一人
坐在桌前
细细回想
这一天到底
做了什么
才惊觉
原来
什么也没完成。
又累了
睡吧！

sad....

The 1st shocking news after my return from holiday…WYE LI……is leaving!Oh no…though I knew bout it long ago,and I already expected of it long ago,deep in my heart,I was hoping that she will change her mind…Anyway,she has made her decision.haiz…besides long haiz..what can I say?It saddens me.true.Y li,do u know that u are an important friend in my opto life?I used to have you around…ur encouragement,ur support,ur advice,ur contributions…In fact,I found that we have some similarities in our thinking…I’m really glad to have found you,who I can talk bout something which I cant talk to other ppl…But you are leaving.Y li,I really cant bear to let u go…but for ur future,I will still support you to chase after ur dreams…

rekindle...

How time flies! It has been almost a year that I left my school which I had stayed for SEVEN years!Ever since after my form six,indeed, I lived a different life that I never live before.àI went on a short mission trip.--> I worked in shalom.-->I took care of the kids.-->I tutored two15 years old teenagers which could drive me crazy.-->I met with new people.-->I left Kluang.-->I was “landed” in a totally new place called KL.Sounds like I never had some time to settle down and recharge of myself….The flow of all these events is so smooth and continually,without giving me a chance to reset my thoughts and my mind…

In such a time like this,I fell away.I fell short of His glory.I stopped stepping forward.I don’t know why.The fire came in and out.It’s my fault.I just felt dryness in me…It’s a very serious problem,I know.Deep inside my heart,I was crying out to Him.However…,my flesh is weak.My mind was making battle everyday in me,asking me to give up.I am sick of this.I had enough!Hyprocitely,I appeared to be okay and good,because of my pride.

The situation turned worse when I came to KL.I had made a covenant with God.I don’t want to leave Him.I want to be fruitful in Him.But somehow,I cant.I found out that I breathe the different air in KL.Im suffocating.Dealing with all sorts of problems made me forget to spend time with Him.My life turned dry.Everytime when Holy Spirit tried to minister to me,I gave up the chance.I didn’t treasure.I washed away by the trend of the world.I cant stand firm in Christ.I share goodness,I became a giver,but sometimes I’m not happy,I’m not cheerful.There is bitterness in me that causes me to not to potray God’s love in my life.

I didn’t see Him,but trying to handle everything using my own wisdom.How silly am I!Till the end,I ended up to be extremely tired.Especially after Pastor Sunther’s death,the hit to me was great. I couldn’t accept the fact that he left us.I don’t know why God allowed such a godly man to leave the earth so early.Since then,I realized that I actually starting to fall away…I put down my bible. I stop praying for others.I felt that my mind was controlling me deliberately to stop seeing him.Oh my goodness!it’s terrible.everything that happened around me could aroused my anger very easily. I lost temper. I complained. The bitterness is in me,until I cant chase it away. I discovered that I deliberately let go of myself to do things I am not supposed to do.

God is gracious.No matter in what situation,He still cares for me.I had backsliddened.But God pulled me back again.It’s still in progress…humbly come before Him to confess my sin.I picked up my bible again.Though the dryness is still in me,I want to continue this journey.I want to read His word because of my desire,not out of obligation.I will achieve this..Trust me,Lord.I need your strength to overcome my mind.I need your victory to conquer myself.I need Your grace to free me again from my sins.I want to stand up again to say that I love You,Lord,from the deepest of my heart.